A Change Up

So lately I've been feeling quite emotionally conflicted and depressed. I don't mean to and a lot of the time I'm not even sure why I'm feeling down, I just do.  Even though I know that my life is quite wonderful and that I have been so blessed, sometimes I give into my natural man and decide to feel sorry for myself and all of the things that I don't have and then whine and complain about how hard my life is. 
Thank goodness I'm not one to dwell on the negative so usually my pity parties don't last too long but the past week has been for some reason a little harder then others.  I have had a few people reminding me and telling me all the things that are hard about having an only child, how my it's going to be when Daniel grows up and it's only him, and commenting on how lonely it's going to be.  I know that a lot of these people who are telling me this aren't trying to make me feel bad.  They love and care for me and don't mean to make it harder.  It has made me think a lot though lately about my life and has kinda thrown me into a little rut that I've been struggling to climb out of for over a week now.
It has made me wonder if I'm not a good mother, and maybe like I'm not a good wife either.  It has made me wonder where I'm supposed to go from here, what am I to do with my life?  All this week and last I've been praying and crying. Trying to figure out why I'm feeling this way, why I'm suddenly feeling so lost and out of control, I've been fine with my life and how it's been going since I had my hysterectomy, why all of a sudden am I struggling now? 
Last night Shaun, my wonderful husband, gave me a pep talk and pretty much told me that it was time for me to start getting happy again, that I had to be done with being sad, mopy and just down right depressing.  Shaun is right, I've realized that I've starting doubting the plan that the Lord has for me and when I do that I'm opening the door for all of the negative thoughts and feelings about myself and my life to flow out and knock me down. 
So after Shaun's pep talk I opened the scriptures to a spot without even looking or thinking and just started reading hoping maybe I would find an answer to the way I was feeling, like when I hear stories of people saying they opened the scriptures and there was their answer waiting for them. I wanted that to happen to me, I wanted to be able to just find my answer.  I ended up in D&C 123 and as I started reading I was wondering what this chapter could possibly hold for me.  It was Joseph Smith telling the saints to keep a record of all the sufferings and abuses done to them by the people of the state.  As I kept reading thinking that I for sure wasn't going to be getting anything out of this chapter, I took notice of some of the grief and sorrow that it stated these pioneers had to go through.  How hard their trials and lives where and how much pain and suffering they had to endure.  Then I found it, my scripture, my answer, in the very last verse of the chapter. D&C 123:17  "Therefore, dearly beloved brethern (and sisters) let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." 
I am still not quite sure what the Lord has in store for me, but this day forward I've decided to live my life the best and happiest I can and with the "utmost assurance" that I will soon see the salvation of God and that what I'm going through is to better me and that he will never give me more then I can handle. I will cheerfully do all the things that lie in my power and then leave the rest to the Lord for he is the one in control. I will do my best to be patient and put my full trust in the Lord knowing that he is always there for me no matter what I may have to go through. Starting today I'm going to be grateful and happy, very happy about how blessed I am and what a great life I lead, knowing that it's only going to continue to get better so long as I have faith and trust in His plan for me.